Being 13 Again!

     Worried about feeling old? Guess what?  If you have not already gone through menopause, then you have something to look forward to! You may be honored with the experience of living out those darkest days of adolescence all over again. This bonus adolescence is extra special because it is enhanced by the addition of wrinkles, gray hair, stretch marks, forgetfulness and some belly fat that just will not go away no matter how much you exercise. Doesn’t that sound like so much fun?  You get to be 13 all over again! You thought you were missing your youth and then it comes back to visit you. Women are so lucky. Forget about the whole  business of  those child bearing years coming to an end, you get to be sad and happy and sad and happy all in the span of 10 minutes. This bonus adolescence might even last longer than your first one if you are extremely fortunate. You can be 13 again and again for like 5 years. Getting old is so much fun! 

     Remember when you were in 7^th grade math class and you thought you could get your period at any minute and since you were wearing tight white pants and the teacher didn’t let students leave to use the bathroom, you would most likely start gushing blood all over the place? Menopause is just like that only maybe without the watermelon lip smacker in your back pocket.  Those final menstruation years are full of surprise appearances. That aging uterus is having its own fire sale in there and everything must GO, GO, GO! 

      Were you missing that time when you were going through puberty and suddenly  all of your clothes didn't fit one day because overnight some kind of freakish  internal mechanism expanded your hips and chest? Your new menopause belly and flappy arms were created by that same perverse internal mechanism all these years later. Yay!

     Maybe we will feel better if we sing "How Lovely to be a Woman" from  "Bye Bye Birdie" over and over until this phase passes. Or better yet, let's all form an old lady band and sing some Ramones' tunes.