During
college my negative view of life, love and the world around me was fueled by
the music I listened to. The Dead Kennedy’s, The Clash, Black Flag, X, Sex
Pistols, Minutemen, The Germs and The Buzzcocks provided the soundtrack to my
nihilistic belief that there was no god, the world was a dangerous place and
we wander around in sadness until we die. Did I mention I was a philosophy
major? The universe appeared vast and meaningless and Ronald Reagan was
president.
The
nineties rolled around and I had my first of three children. Suddenly the
universe didn’t seem so bleak after all. Life was brimming with possibilities.
Those screams were going to turn into songs. Scaling the living room
bookshelves turned into a love of hiking. I was too busy changing
diapers to worry about the future and too sleep deprived to care. The Sex
Pistols sounded so angry and I was trying to keep it quiet at my house
so the baby would take a nap and I could rest.
With
not enough time to listen to college radio I lost touch with new music in the
nineties. Whatever I did end up buying came as a CD but I still lugged my whole
record collection around each time I moved because I was sure I could never part with all that vinyl. When I
was pregnant with my third child and my oldest was 7 and youngest was 3, I
thought it would be a good idea to get rid of any albums I had with
inappropriate or curse laden lyrics.
I didn’t want my 2 girls to inadvertently put on P.I.L or The Germs. We listened to Jonathan Richman, David Bowie, Talking Heads, Arlo
and Woody Guthrie and lullabies from around the world when they were sick,
anxious, bored or sleepy.
Now
my youngest is 13 and lists The Ramones and the Clash as his favorite bands and
has learned the bass lines for many of their songs. Macklemore’s Thrift Shop is on everyone’s Ipod (f-bombs and all) and we even
go to concerts together. My oldest just turned 21 so now she can have a
beer the next time we see Father John Misty together. Musical F-bombs are the least of
my worries.
In
the last four months two incredible young people
were suddenly yanked away from my circle of friends: a beautiful and wise 20 year old master debater and future policy maker and a sweet and kind 21 year old guitar playing economics major. Their deaths
were sudden and with proper and prompt medical care might have been avoided but no one can know for sure. I can't
fathom a universe that allows this to happen. The only coherent thought I have
come up with this week is that the universe is stupid. These two young adults had so much to give the world through their kindness and talents. Don’t even get me started on the
Newton, CT school shooting.
